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Hell on Wheels: Retreat from Moscow Rally

Jan. 31-Feb 3, 2017

Moscow PA > Buffalo > Memphis > Paris TN

Hell on Wheels:  Monterey Car WEEEEEAK Rally 

Aug. 15-19, 2017

Monterey > Bremerton > Bend > Monterey




WHAT

Long-distance, zero-shrimp rallies for drivers who aren’t screwin’ around


VEHICLES

Anything street-legal, insured, and offensive to Gullwing guys


ENTRY FEE

$425/car. Get your own room, buy your own food, wipe your own nose


Scoring:

Performance:

  • +60 for finishing the day
  • +10-150 for optional checkpoints and challenges en route
  • +0-150 for creative roadside repairs
  • + / - 0-150 for tickets and arrests (how good's your story?)

Who Made Your Hooptie?

  • -50 for Japanese
  • -20 for German (but +50 for German diesel)
  • +100 for Italian
  • +125 for French
  • +150 for English
  • +250 for Warsaw Pact

When Did They Make It?

  • +75 for 1980s
  • +100 for 1970s
  • +170 for 1960s
  • +200 for 1950s
  • +250 for pre-1950

How Butt-Turrible Is It?

  • +0-66 for hooptieness of marque & model
  • +0-66 for hooptieness of this particular example
  • +0-66 for hooptieness of driver & passenger

Deductions & Additions

  • -2500 for showing up in a press loaner
  • -250 for wearing Pilotis
  • +300 for bringing a Beetle-pan kit car
  • +50 for Designer Edition (Bill Blass, Givenchy, Levi’s, etc)
  • -300 for using phrase “double apex”
  • +70 for best YouTube post of the day
  • -0-900 for being a general douchenozzle
  • +0-100 for junkyard parts gained en route
  • +0-250 for ridiculous themes &/or outfits